habit forming Archives - Stacy Lyn Jensen

Battling Negativity

If you are anything like me, you spend a lot of time thinking about how much you can’t. Or possibly about why you can’t. When you can’t. Even the many reasons that it makes sense to not, instead of TO DO. Mindsets are hard things to change, but it is very important to try. This post will go over some methods for battling negativity, so that you can get to writing instead of making excuses.

I don’t know how many writers feel this way, but I am great at making reasons about the impossibility of getting it done today, all the way up until I’m doing it. Then, when I begin, it’s like all of that melts away, the entire world disappears; and it’s just me and my story, or essay, or post or whatever and none of the rest of it matters. So then I find my self wondering, why did I go through all of that?

Battling Negativity

Self-Care

photo of pink and blue abstract artwork — Photo by Dan Gold on Pexels.com

I think one of my issues, boils down to self-care. I am a wife, a mom, a full-time employee, a dinner-maker, a laundress, a part-time gamer (haha), a shoe-finder, a maid, a time-out giver, a referee, a sister, a daughter, a dog-mom, a cat-mom, and at the very end of the list, I am the thing I most want out of life, a writer. Oh, and sometimes I even exercise.

With all of the things that I do, all the things that I have going on all the time, it is so hard to find that moment where I feel like it’s okay to write. I don’t get paid for writing, so why do it? The answer, because it is the thing that gives me (besides, you know, family and kids and love) the most-I don’t want to say joy, but that is the word that first came to mind- fulfillment, maybe is another one.

If we are constantly putting ourselves last, we not only get burnt out, but we also end up feeling resentment toward those who we love the most. In most cases, your family and loved ones will understand if you choose to spend a few minutes on yourself each day. I say most cases because I understand that there are exceptions. And simply getting the time to do the thing will increase your confidence in the story, which will help you to feel more positive about it, and negativity decreases.

Habit Building

I have spoken about habit-forming before. What does it have to do with battling the negative version of ourselves that either stops us from writing, by telling us we can’t do it? How does forming habits help us to put ourselves higher on the priority list so that we can write more and feel better about it?

Habits are like muscles. Think about any person whose great at sports. They practice, probably every day. They don’t just do their sport for a couple of days, and then stop for a while, and then practice again later for a few days. The people that come to mind for me are Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Tony Hawk, and Serena Williams. None of those people got to where they are without practicing their sport consistently over years and years. I am not talking about any kind of scandals or anything, simply that they are good at what they do, and the reason is because they consistently practice.

In the writing world, authors that have spoken about how important it is to write every day are: Stephen King and Brandon Sanderson. Those are the ones I think about off the top of my head. Brian Evenson said that you need to take the “speacialness” out of writing. Do it anywhere at any time. He uses hotel paper to write on, and he will switch to a computer if he finds himself stuck. Make writing such an everyday thing that it doesn’t matter how you are doing it, as long as it’s getting done.

The point about habit-forming is essentially that you need to get your writing muscles used to doing it. If you want to be a writer, you have to write. In order to conquer your negative self, you have to find a way to write even when you feel some kind of way about it that day.

Replace Negatives with Positives

This one is more of a psychological trick. Let’s say that you keep on thinking that you shouldn’t write because you have nothing to say. You need to turn that thought around and replace it with a different thought. You can acknowledge the thought, but then replace it. Tell yourself that you have lots to say. In a previous post: Coming up with Story Ideas I talked about how living in the world means you have something to say.

Or maybe you think that you write badly, so you shouldn’t be doing it. Again, it’s okay to acknowledge the thought, but then you can either ask yourself why you think you write badly. Why do you think that? Is it really true, has someone told you that? Or, are you concerned that you don’t have great grammar? Or do you think your descriptions are not great? Whatever it is, you can work on it. Writing is a craft. It’s not something that you can or can’t do. You just have to study, hone your craft, take the time to read and learn and take in new information.

Positive Feedback

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What if you are just feeling negative/down/upset because you submitted to like 14 different literary journals and the ones you’ve heard back from rejected you. You think the story is good, and it has merit. Or, at least, you did until you got all the rejections. It’s okay to reach out and ask for POSITIVE feedback from a friend. I typically would say not to let anyone who loves you give your feedback. But, in times like these, when you are feeling like you just can’t take another rejection, when you are doubting your whole life. Have a supportive friend tell you how awesome you are. It’s best if you find that one friend who is always sunshine and rainbows, and they can tell you how much they think you rock. Moms are totally acceptable in these scenarios.

Maybe you can’t turn off the voice telling you that you aren’t good enough. Maybe you can’t stop yourself from having a lot of other priorities above your writing. But you can form healthy habits that allow you to have some time each day to write, you can turn those negative thoughts around, look at them and respond to them with positive counter-thoughts. You can take some time for self-care, even if it is taking a half an hour to hammer out a quick post on your blog.

Thanks for reading!

Daily Writing Habit: Journaling

The other day, I was reading a blog about lies we tell ourselves as writers. One of the lies is that we have nothing to say. The author of the blog called BS on that and said that if you’ve eaten breakfast, you have something to say. I want to take that idea further with the wonderful world of journaling. So, let’s expand our daily writing habit. I’ve talked about how to build habits before, but today, I want to talk about subject matter.

Daily writing habit: journaling Photo by Vinícius Vieira ft: https://www.pexels.com/photo/purple-and-pink-light-digital-wallpaper-4424355/ — Photo by Vinícius Vieira ft

Journaling: Daily Writing Habit

The key to building a habit of writing every day is finding something that works for you. What if the problem isn’t the time or the energy or even the want to write, what if the problem is the concern that you don’t have anything to say? That’s where writing a journal is a great way to get started. All you need is to be among the living.

Tips

Not Fancy

Don’t make it fancy. If one of your issues is that you need to have a particular space to write in, then try and demystify the art of writing. Make your journal entries on the bus, at the zoo, while watching the latest episode of your favorite show. Write them on plain notebook paper, or using an app on your phone, or on a stained napkin. You can start journal entries any and everywhere until the habit is ingrained.

Only for you

Understand that it’s just for you. Journal entries are different than other kinds of writing because they are personal. They are meant to be a kind of free therapy. I mean, at least that’s what I think of them as. Every time I feel like I need to just talk to someone, and I don’t have anyone around that can just be a listening ear, I turn to my journal. My journal has seen some shit, if you will pardon my french, and it never judges me.

No time requirements

You are not required to do it at a certain time. You can stick to one time of day, or several, or change it up. Just like building the habit. This goes back to not being fancy. You don’t need to make sure your entry happens just as the sun is setting over Lake Erie as you drink your first sip of wine for the evening.

It is what you make it

It can contain anything. When I was a teen, I would journal as if someone were going to pick it up and read it, later. As an adult, I know it’s only for myself. Maybe you want to write your journal in Shakespearean sonnets, or haiku. Or you feel like writing your novel in your journal. You can research something and write down your findings in there. Write exactly what you think of every single person in your life, they’ll never see it. You could solve decades-old murders. You can do anything you like. It’s your journal.

At the end of the day, journaling is a great way to get into the habit of writing because they don’t have to be about anything, they don’t have to lead anywhere, it’s really only about getting into the daily writing habit. You may find that you enjoy the benefits of journaling because it has a tendency to be therapeutic and allows you to get at the heart of what you are feeling and why.

The Habit of Writing

Writers write, it’s what they do. But, when you are someone who maybe isn’t a writer YET, but you have the want/nay the need to become such a person, how do you begin? How do you form the habit of writing?

The Habit of Writing, photo by Andre Moura — Photo by Andre Moura:

It’s the easiest/hardest thing. You develop the habit. Day after day, week after week, it’s important to come back to the page and write. In his memoir/writing tips book–On Writing–Stephen King talks about how, when a person decides to be a writer, they need to write instead of having other hobbies. He suggests writing instead of watching T.V., listening to audiobooks while driving, and suggests that the things a person gives up aren’t all that important anyway.

I’m not going to say that you have to give up T.V. in order to be a writer, but I am going to say that writing needs to be important. There are some tips that can be found in any habit-forming self-help book about different ways that you can find time to write even when it feels/seems/is impossible.

Tips for forming the habit of writing

Habit Bundling

This one is called habit bundling, it’s where you take something that you want to do and tack on the thing that you are trying to form the habit of, as well. Then, you only do your wanted thing while doing the thing you are attempting to form as a habit. With the habit of writing, this means maybe you could decide to only listen to your favorite bands while you are writing, or you could “watch” your favorite T.V. show or movies when you are writing. Another option could even be that you eat a favorite food or snack when you are pounding at the keyboard.

Five-minutes

Five-minutes, in this habit-forming technique, you decide to do your habit for five minutes every day for two weeks. So, in this case, you will write every day for two weeks for five minutes. Then, you can decide to up the amount of time, or keep going at the same time, or maybe something different.

The habit of writing, photo by Gratisography — Photo by Gratisography

Getting Ready

Getting ready, this is where you take small steps to prepare to do the thing. In the case of writing, you would prepare by getting your computer or typewriter, or pen and paper out before it’s time to write, you would brew your coffee or open your beer. Because you have already prepped for the writing session, you will be more likely to go through with it.

Decide on a Time

Decide on a time, there are studies that say that the best time for–well, pretty much anything–is in the morning. But, unfortunately, life doesn’t allow us to do everything at once. We need to pick a time to write that fits into our schedules, most of us. Maybe that time is the same every day, or maybe it changes, but what’s important is to intentionally pick a time that will for you.

Tell Someone

Tell someone about your commitment. I’m not the kind of person who likes to share my writing ambitions with people, so I don’t do this one. However, they say that if you share your goal with someone, you are more likely to go through with it. So, if you have a bestie who is likely to help you stay on top of your writing goals. Tell them.

When forming the habit of writing, it’s best to try on different methods. Stick with one option for a couple of weeks, then if the habit is coming along, keep at it. But if it feels awkward or forced, if the practice isn’t getting easier after doing it for two weeks straight, then switch to a different method. The important takeaways are that writing needs to be a priority, you can’t just continue to put it on the bottom of the to-do list and expect that it will eventually start to happen on its own, and that forming a habit is a process in and of itself, and that you have to keep it up in order for the habit to stick.