If you are anything like me, you spend a lot of time thinking about how much you can’t. Or possibly about why you can’t. When you can’t. Even the many reasons that it makes sense to not, instead of TO DO. Mindsets are hard things to change, but it is very important to try. This post will go over some methods for battling negativity, so that you can get to writing instead of making excuses.
I don’t know how many writers feel this way, but I am great at making reasons about the impossibility of getting it done today, all the way up until I’m doing it. Then, when I begin, it’s like all of that melts away, the entire world disappears; and it’s just me and my story, or essay, or post or whatever and none of the rest of it matters. So then I find my self wondering, why did I go through all of that?
Battling Negativity
Self-Care
I think one of my issues, boils down to self-care. I am a wife, a mom, a full-time employee, a dinner-maker, a laundress, a part-time gamer (haha), a shoe-finder, a maid, a time-out giver, a referee, a sister, a daughter, a dog-mom, a cat-mom, and at the very end of the list, I am the thing I most want out of life, a writer. Oh, and sometimes I even exercise.
With all of the things that I do, all the things that I have going on all the time, it is so hard to find that moment where I feel like it’s okay to write. I don’t get paid for writing, so why do it? The answer, because it is the thing that gives me (besides, you know, family and kids and love) the most-I don’t want to say joy, but that is the word that first came to mind- fulfillment, maybe is another one.
If we are constantly putting ourselves last, we not only get burnt out, but we also end up feeling resentment toward those who we love the most. In most cases, your family and loved ones will understand if you choose to spend a few minutes on yourself each day. I say most cases because I understand that there are exceptions. And simply getting the time to do the thing will increase your confidence in the story, which will help you to feel more positive about it, and negativity decreases.
Habit Building
I have spoken about habit-forming before. What does it have to do with battling the negative version of ourselves that either stops us from writing, by telling us we can’t do it? How does forming habits help us to put ourselves higher on the priority list so that we can write more and feel better about it?
Habits are like muscles. Think about any person whose great at sports. They practice, probably every day. They don’t just do their sport for a couple of days, and then stop for a while, and then practice again later for a few days. The people that come to mind for me are Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Tony Hawk, and Serena Williams. None of those people got to where they are without practicing their sport consistently over years and years. I am not talking about any kind of scandals or anything, simply that they are good at what they do, and the reason is because they consistently practice.
In the writing world, authors that have spoken about how important it is to write every day are: Stephen King and Brandon Sanderson. Those are the ones I think about off the top of my head. Brian Evenson said that you need to take the “speacialness” out of writing. Do it anywhere at any time. He uses hotel paper to write on, and he will switch to a computer if he finds himself stuck. Make writing such an everyday thing that it doesn’t matter how you are doing it, as long as it’s getting done.
The point about habit-forming is essentially that you need to get your writing muscles used to doing it. If you want to be a writer, you have to write. In order to conquer your negative self, you have to find a way to write even when you feel some kind of way about it that day.
Replace Negatives with Positives
This one is more of a psychological trick. Let’s say that you keep on thinking that you shouldn’t write because you have nothing to say. You need to turn that thought around and replace it with a different thought. You can acknowledge the thought, but then replace it. Tell yourself that you have lots to say. In a previous post: Coming up with Story Ideas I talked about how living in the world means you have something to say.
Or maybe you think that you write badly, so you shouldn’t be doing it. Again, it’s okay to acknowledge the thought, but then you can either ask yourself why you think you write badly. Why do you think that? Is it really true, has someone told you that? Or, are you concerned that you don’t have great grammar? Or do you think your descriptions are not great? Whatever it is, you can work on it. Writing is a craft. It’s not something that you can or can’t do. You just have to study, hone your craft, take the time to read and learn and take in new information.
Positive Feedback
What if you are just feeling negative/down/upset because you submitted to like 14 different literary journals and the ones you’ve heard back from rejected you. You think the story is good, and it has merit. Or, at least, you did until you got all the rejections. It’s okay to reach out and ask for POSITIVE feedback from a friend. I typically would say not to let anyone who loves you give your feedback. But, in times like these, when you are feeling like you just can’t take another rejection, when you are doubting your whole life. Have a supportive friend tell you how awesome you are. It’s best if you find that one friend who is always sunshine and rainbows, and they can tell you how much they think you rock. Moms are totally acceptable in these scenarios.
Maybe you can’t turn off the voice telling you that you aren’t good enough. Maybe you can’t stop yourself from having a lot of other priorities above your writing. But you can form healthy habits that allow you to have some time each day to write, you can turn those negative thoughts around, look at them and respond to them with positive counter-thoughts. You can take some time for self-care, even if it is taking a half an hour to hammer out a quick post on your blog.
Thanks for reading!